FIll so sick and lost

I have never felt so sick I don't no what's wrong with me my whole body fills like Shit I can't sleep still can't eat I fill like my body is closing down. I fill so lost I have lost the best thing that ever happen to me and its so hard I just can't help myself I am still testing her when she told me to give her space its just so hard I keep having dreams that are not helping I never had such bloody dreams its really scaring me I have a new way of looking at life I never saw it this way and its killing me I miss my family I had they where every thing to me Jordan lalia axel foxy Bruce Chevy tony Rachel the whole family I just wish I would of pulled my head out of my asa sooner I could of really made a big impact. I fill like I never did what I should of the first time I also have this killing pain in my head and stomach that will not go away. To some it all up I just should of done what I am doing now getting help things would of Ben so different I will always have a place in my heart for Jordan and her family for ever and always.