Hardest time of my life

Never had such bad dreams of killing myself I hate it I don't want to sleep every time I do its bad dreams I can't get over the lies and the pain of losing the best thing in my life I will never look at life the same with out her she did so much for me and all I did was lie over and over about stupid Shit why could I do that why did I not just tell the truth. Truth is the main thing in a relationship every thing else was good I treated her as if she was a princess if I could of just told her thetruth every time we would not have Ben in the spot we are in now I miss her and lalia so much and always will love forever and always Tyler